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Rambles' Ramblings

Ramblings, a salve for any hurts

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Family

Australia tycoon moves to end feud

Australia tycoon moves to end feud http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-24328646

I’d take familial love over money any day.

My father

My father. What can I say about him? What may I say about him? We have been taught over and over again as we grow up that it wouldn’t do to air dirty linens in the public. But now, I feel that if I were to refrain from talking about him, I would burst.

He loves us and cares for us, but without responsibility. He showed up drunk once to drive me home after school. That damn car was weaving all over the place. My sister had the same experience, but worst, she was on a motorcycle with him. I guess he loves us enough, but like an after thought. He doesn’t seem to understand that we need something more than a sometimes there love. All through my school life, our pocket money came from my mother. Whenever he is in a good mood, he might give us some money, but that is few and far in between. We never relied on him for anything important.

He is unreliable and so is his friends. He would say that one or another of them are coming to repair something but then they would not come. He is also a liar. I think, and my mum thinks the same, he was cheating on her. We have seen pictures of other women in his possession, and also that he cares much about other women not his wife and daughters. I sometimes felt so extremely angry that it is hard work for me to swallow whatever harsh words risen from my throat.

He never have any great earning power. He has always had a real knack of pissing off his superiors and then getting kicked out. Of course, he always say that he resigned. I don’t know how much I believe that statement. Whenever my mother admonished him for being so impulsive to throw away his income, he would always angrily retort,” What’s so snobbish about it? I can always find another job!”  And so he drifted from job to job until now, he can no longer work after a stroke that left him with a serious limp and weak right hand. He never thought to have a stable income so that he could support his family, no, his wife, my mother can do everything whilst all he has to do is to enjoy life.

In short, he is an overgrown man-child with no sense of responsibility at all. He also has a tendency to think too far and aim to high for him to succeed in any venture. He cares enough to love us, but not enough to support us.

Parents!

I have a strong urge to bang my parents over their heads due to their silly bickering! I mean, they are acting like they always told us not to act!

See, the thing is, there is no love lost between them yet they remain married. Any love they had for each other are likely lost in the long years of marriage and family life. My mother does not want to ask for a divorce as she doesn’t want to upheaval our lives. My father, well, I think he just do not want to go to the trouble.

Before last year, everything is actually okay. My father got a job as a hostel warden and was thus often not in the house. My sister and I do not mind. Neither do my mother. However, since his stroke, he has been staying with us again as he lost his job. The clashes became frequent and I am now relegated to the posts of mediator and messenger. They simply cannot talk to each other without snide comments or ill-timed expressions of contempt or anger. Which make my job even more difficult.

Ooh… The thought of them makes my blood boil. They are acting like a couple of BRATS! I do not want to be seen as taking sides and is thus trying to pacify both of them. But to my dismay, they both are as obstinate as mules and as dumb too! My mother maintained that my father is childish to lose his temper over something small while my father insists that everyone has a temper and why should my mother be allowed to lose her temper but not he? I nearly lose my own temper when they told me their respective opinions and tried to get me to agree to them.

I wonder what would they say if I sat them both down and gave them to a talking to? Nothing good or nice, I suppose. So, I am ending my rant here. If anyone who reads this have any idea on how to deal with bratty parents, please tell me. Thank you.

It isn’t right…

It isn’t right to wish you are out of your home.

It isn’t right to wish that you can leave the home.

It isn’t right dread coiled in your belly when you go home.

It isn’t right to wish you do not have to return home.

It isn’t right children have to intervene to prevent quarrels between the parents.

It isn’t right that a child have to shoulder the responsibility of a parent.

It isn’t right to hope to vanish somewhere.

It isn’t right to hope to not see your family.

It isn’t right to wish to talk to anyone but there is no one to talk to.

It isn’t right to only find out that you are truly alone when you needed help the most.

It isn’t right that this can only be told to the blog anonymously.

It isn’t right that I want it all to end..

Familial relations

Life is funny in a sense. I have an important exam tomorrow but I am sitting here typing away on family relations.

Have you ever seen a marriage break up? I am sure many people would have seen that happened, either to friends, colleagues or family itself. I have seen one break up over a long period of time. Of course I didn’t realize it at first. But then, one day, it is right there staring at you in the face.

From my earliest memory, there has always been arguments. Nothing serious, just a few heated sentences, things like that. Then they grew apart. Aloof. Like strangers in a house. My sister and I, well, we learn to stay out of their arguments. We are, after all, ‘too young’ and ‘just children’. But we would watched, with dread, whenever there seems to be an argument brewing. It is always over little things, things that will get us scolded if we quarreled over.

I guess that is why I grew more brazen. I had always liked to hide out in the magical worlds of the books. Whenever they starts, I will pick a book and ignored them. But my sister cannot or does not want to be so completely immersed within a book that she lost track of the real world. Hence, she was afraid. I, for my part, don’t care as long as they don’t affect me too much.

You know, it is funny. When I finally realized what is actually happening (I am in my teens), I realized that there had been many signs along the way but I just chose to ignore them. I cloaked myself in an illusion that we are a happy family. I couldn’t be more wrong.

My father, for the lack of a suitable word, is a redneck. He likes his liquor but doesn’t drink in front of us. Well, only rarely. He could not hold any job for long, usually he will leave or be fired in two years time. Then he found a job where he stayed at the hostel with the weekends and Wednesdays free.

Well, it is a job and we don’t begrudge him that. But it hurts when he failed to come back home when he had his free days. He always have tons of excuses: my work is not yet finished, we have an activity this weekend, XXX asked to change his free day with me, etc,etc.

He didn’t want to spend his time with us, fine. We coped with it, we found new things to fill our time with, without him. But my mother was bitter, and increasingly so. She has the right to be bitter.

She is a teacher but my father treated her as though she doesn’t have a shred of knowledge. She also has her suspicions of him cheating on her with his various female colleagues and even with the maid. Why else would the maid write to ask for money after she went back to her country? Reasonable suspicions I think.

It isn’t nice to think that way about your parent no matter how much you feel that way. I know and I am trying my best. But honestly? I sometimes felt that it would be better if my mother had asked for a divorce. I might have protested when I am younger, but not in the last four years. As my sister and I grow older, we find it hard to deal with his patronizing attitude. More often than not, we would looked at each other significantly, knowing that the other meant the same thing as I did: Here he goes again without thinking that he is certainly not the role model he is!

You know, I think my mother was thinking about getting a divorce now that we are old enough to comprehend things and rationalize them. She once spoke about looking for another nice, young man with my aunt (from my father’s side) and she agreed with my mum, although she looked uncomfortable discussing in front of my sister and I. I would not have protest. I would have agree and asked to stay with my mother. I think that my sister probably felt that same way.

But then, disaster struck. Four days after a particular vicious argument, he was downed by a stroke brought on by high blood sugar levels due to frequent drinks of 100 Plus. My mother was pushed to near insanity. As the stroke was minor, many relatives and friends were able to come and visit. It doesn’t do us any good. It is just another demand on our time, of which there is precious few.

For my mother, she had her job, us, my father and the bills to worry about. To make matters worse, we had just signed a contract for a house, meaning legal formalities. My sister and I were both embroiled with our individual battles against exams and can spare little time if we want to do good. As for the divorce, it just sank below sight and out of minds.

Now, he is better and doesn’t requires much help any more. But he is still unbearable at times. We doesn’t feel comfortable with him in the house.

I guess it is easy to grow apart, but much more difficult to grow close to someone.

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